Another Face In The Crowd

It feels like the last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the limit emotionally. Everyone wants to talk about feelings. I feel like I’ve been apologizing to everyone for the last two weeks; or at least justifying myself.

I usually hate to bring up astrological signs because I am still on the fence about my belief in them. Sometimes I think if I read my horoscope and it says I will be overly social or overly emotional on that day then I find myself forcing myself to be that way. However, being a Libra, it’s my nature to make sure that everyone around me is happy. I thrive on balance, compromise, and stability, so if I don’t have that, I must find a way to achieve it.

I spent most of my weekend with the friend that professed his love to me last week. It’s not as weird as I originally thought it would be, but there is still some tension in the air. We spent most of the weekend talking. The topic didn’t really shift to us very much, but there were a few moments. I am going to put the topic on the back burner for a little while. I need time to think things out and decide on what I want to do.

I still have the matter of the new guy also. I’ve been talking to a guy for about the last 3 weeks. I don’t really know where things are going with him. Part of me just doesn’t see a future, but I know I have invested too much of myself to just walk away right now. I’ve already started falling for him. I know at this point, I’ve started falling for the “idea” of him. He’s got a great house, drives a great car, and has a great job, but I don’t know anything about him. I think he is a little bit of the party boy type and I can’t party all the time. It just goes to show how important image is in the gay world. At this point, I’m interested because of the image I have of him.

I just feel like everything is so up or down, hot or cold lately. I can’t seem to find a balance on anything. I feel like anything I do just has me spinning my wheels.